So after a few days of being so excited and anxious about our future bundle of joy we finally got into Jess' Ob-Gyn to get our first tests and hopefully to see our little Bean with a beating heart yesterday. From what we had guessed, we figured that Jess was 9 weeks and 2 day pregnant. Everything started off pretty normal, with both of us being as nervous as teenagers on a first date. This was the first time I'd ever been in an Ob-Gyn office, but strangely I only felt somewhat out of place. It probably helped that there were a few other couples there too. After Jessica was weighed and peed in a cup, we were put into room 12 and I got to watch the nurse put a condom on the vaginal sonagram that the doctor would be using to give us our first look at our baby. Well, of course it is a doctors office, so we both sat in the room by ourselves for what seemed like hours, but was probably really only 30 minutes or so, which actually isn't that bad for doctors as far as wait time. The doctor asks Jess a ton of questions, of which I'm really not paying any attention, I just want her to get started so we can see our baby. Well she finally does stop talking and starts the exam and we see our baby...only the doctor is quiet and so are Jess and I, we all know that we should be seeing something that we aren't seeing but no one is saying anything...but the doctor finally says we should be able to see the heartbeat right now. She points the baby out to us and then takes a measurement, which says that the baby is about 8 weeks and 2 day old, which means that we had lost our baby in the last week. =(cry...
The doctor spent a lot of time, I guess kind of trying to make sure that we weren't just somehow missing the heartbeat, but by the time it was all done, she said that she was sure that the pregnancy had ended. I'm barely holding back tears at this point and Jess isn't able to hold back her feelings.
Of course, Jess and I are both in shock and are having a hard time believing we lost our baby. We are trying to grieve, but having to make the tough decisions that I guess everyone has to in times like these. The doctor told us she'd rather Jess have a D&C, which is the same procedure used for abortions...so neither Jess or I are really wanting to go that route. As of right now, Jess has decided she wants to try and let her body take care of things naturally, and I'm trying to be there to support her as much as I can. We had only told a few of our closest friends and they have all been so great, especially Jess' best friend Lara. She sent Jess flowers today and I know is just praying for Jess with all of her heart. I'm not really sure what is going to happen, I just know that I feel like a piece of my heart was ripped away and I can't even imagine how Jess feels.
And so ends our next grand adventure, at least for now. I'm sure that we'll still have a baby, but for now, all my time and energy will be dedicated to making sure that Jess heals from this loss and that we are both ready for another try.
-Sam
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