Chocolate Cures

It's been a terrible day ... week, really. So to make up for it, here I am: it's Wed night and I'm sitting on the couch eating mocha chocolate cake from the Chocolate bar (my new favorite indulgence!), drinking chocolate milk and watching terrible reality tv. Brooke Hogan is not the brightest, is she?! Time to change the channel maybe? Yes, probably a good idea.

One of the things I left out of our anniversary blog is the big surprise I had for Sam. I had a hunch something was "off" and went ahead and took a pregnancy test ... thought there was no way since we thought we'd avoided those "special" days, but wouldn't it be poetic if I found out we were expecting on our one year anniversary!?! Low and behold, yup! we were preggers again.

Unfortunately though, the high was short lived as last week I started cramping (truthfully only a few days of pure excitement b/c I started worrying very quickly b/c of our last experience). I called the doctors office on Monday to see if I could get in for my ultrasound a week early b/c of the cramping. No go. There were no appointments available and since there was no spotting, the nurse said not to worry. What is it they say about speak of the devil ... yeah, right before bed my worst fears came to be.

Long story short, I finally got in with the doctor this afternoon for an ultrasound. It looks like I have an irregular gestational sac and we couldn't make out the fetal pole let alone see a heartbeat. After this first U/S it's not looking good and to make it worse, my body is telling me that we're going to have to go through another miscarraige experience. But they took blood and will know more tomorrow afternoon (why in God's name does it take so long to get answers!?!). Sam is trying to be optimistic and encourages me not to give up yet and has been amazing - so supportive and loving. I'm truly blessed by his love and affection.

So here I am, home from work early after taking yesterday off to rest, trying to focus on anything but thinking the worst. Thank God for chocolate! How is it that a little chocolate milk, a comfy couch and a husband in the kitchen can make you forget so much?! I feel better and have plans to join Sam in some optimistic thinking tonight and a whole lot of rest.

Unfortunately, nature had another plan for the evening and before I could even muster up the nerve to post this, the miscarraige was in full swing. So now I'm just praying that things "go well" so that I don't have to have another surgery and that our doctor is able to figure out what's going on.